Some Thoughts on Shame

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about shame. About the ways in which shame becomes an obstacle to real growth. About the ways in which white Judeo-Christian culture invented and weaponized shame and built idols and altars to it. (Ever heard of Adam and Eve?)

About the ways in which retreating into our own shame gets very much in the way of seeing the actual thing happening and of then actually doing something about it. I think this might one of the biggest obstacles white “liberals” face in confronting their complicity with White Supremacy. It is a major component of White Fragility. It just feels so BAD. We feel so BAD about ourselves and how we have benefitted from the subjugation of human beings, and then there we are again, building an altar to this shameful part of who we "ARE." And covering over the parts that make us feel bad so they continue to fester, and perhaps even sink their roots deeper into our psyche.

And so we avoid, deny, defend...

But...what if we could just set aside shame. I don't mean to trivialize this huge topic, but what if we just ask ourselves "what would it be like if I just *put down* shame?!?" "How would I respond to this if I remembered that I am a dynamic, living, changing being and not held back by my old notions of myself." "What if this isn't about me and feeling ok about myself, but instead it's about doing my best to show up as the current, moment-to-moment best version of myself?" What if we could make space for the real work this way?

So, that's my prayer. For me and for all of you. Let's set aside shame and then roll up our sleeves and just get to work. Shame is musty, old, boring and a tool of the patriarchy.

Choosing to step out from under shame has made space for me to actually look at how I show up in the world in a deeper way than ever before. As one of the most important aspects of that, for the past couple months I’ve been engaged in a deep dive into my own internalized experience of White Body Surpremacy (a term coined by therapist, writer and teacher Resmaa Menakem), guided by amazing teachers Sabia Wade and Kimberly Johnson. It is challenging, uncomfortable work, but it is also liberating. I am discovering practical, somatic tools for healing the trauma of racism where it lives in my body.

And there is some easy, practical stuff, too. If you follow me on social media or receive my newsletter, you’ll see me spending much more time on Uplifting BIPOC voices (Black, Indigenous, People of Color—in case that term is new to you) and especially black voices. I’ll be spending more of my money with black businesses and organizations and sharing those businesses and causes with you. I’ll be following black thinkers and writers on social media and sharing their words with you.

If you are interested in starting (or continuing) the actively anti-racist journey yourself, I have compiled some resources under the Anti-Racism highlight on my Instagram profile. If you are not on Instagram and you’d like to me to send you some resources, feel free to reach out and let me know.